I haven’t left the house in a few days and it’s really getting to me. The show I’m supposed to go to is tomorrow, and I’m really nervous about it. I want to go so bad, but I’ve been feeling so isolated inside my house (what’s new, right?), that I feel like I should have been preparing everyday leading up to going, and it just feels so scary.
I want to go so badly. I miss seeing live music so much. So much.
The last show I went to was to see Pat the Bunny, which was really cool. It was the third time I’ve seen him, and I got to talk to him for a little bit, and got a few pictures. (Actually, Rex didn’t know how to use an iPhone and ended up taking over 60 of the same exact picture).
I keep going over in my head where we’re going to park, what if we can’t find anywhere to park, what if it’s too crowded, what if we get stuck in traffic going there or back, what if I need to leave? And then I keep thinking, if I do need to leave, I’ll feel really guilty making Rex leave too, because it should be fun. Then I keep thinking that I would really rather not show up right when it starts, and I’d like to show up when music is already playing, but I know Rex really hates showing up late to anything, so maybe it’s better if I don’t go.
Then I worry about whether or not there will be enough room to easily get in and out of the show, or if it will be too ridiculously crowded to get in. As far as I know, all the members of Leftover Crack are going to be there, and they were banned from playing at several venues in my town because people (who I was there with) injured themselves and did stupid stuff, and their shows can get pretty rowdy. Normally this wouldn’t bother me at all. I’ve never had a panic attack in a mosh pit, or at a punk show, but now I’m pregnant and I think going in mosh pits is definitely something that you’re not supposed to do when you’re pregnant. So I wonder if going would be irresponsible for the baby.
Wow, it really sucks being in my head sometimes.
I really hope that I end up finding the strength to go, and that I can curb all of these what if thoughts.
Also, here is a song by Pat the Bunny. It helps sometimes.
Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on loving. Keep on fighting. And hold on, and hold on. Hold on for your life.
And here’s a video I took the second to last time I saw him live:
Damn, now I really wish I was going to see Pat the Bunny. I love the videos I took of that show, especially because you can hear everyone singing along… and his shows are always like a giant epic punk rock folk singalong, and it’s so much fun.