Maybe really moving? What?!

I successfully made it to my daughters doctor appointment yesterday! I still felt a twinge of anxiety and an adrenaline rush leading up to leaving, but I pushed through anyway. I was reflecting a lot on how that adrenaline rush that comes when you’re feeling really anxious about something is incredibly similar to the feeling you get when you’re super excited. I have another post called turning fear into excitement, but it was really helpful to revisit that technique. I was initially nervous, but instead I started thinking of why it was such a good thing, and kind of convinced my mind and body that it wasn’t panic, it was excitement – and transformed my negative feelings into positive ones.

I was talking to my grandma the other day, and she lives in the town I’m hoping to move to. She visited a property that is for rent – three bedrooms with a big back yard! I ended up getting in touch with the woman who owns the property today, and she said that we are the only people interested in it, and basically implied that if we want it it’s ours. It’s also less than a minute from my best friends house!

I want so badly to go, and I’m very seriously considering putting a deposit on the house to hold it, and aim to move by the end of January/beginning of February.

I am feeling pretty optimistic about making this happen, but there’s still a part of me saying, “you were barely able to go outside or down the street a few months ago – do you really think you’ll make it through a several hundred mile drive?”

So, I’m doing my best to quell those fears. I have been driving every day, but I am going to call (or text) my exposure therapist today to try to get some freeway driving in, and start preparing myself to really go. I got a comment on my last post from someone that said, “just start packing like you’re going!” And I think that’s the best and simplest advice. Just start doing the things it’s going to take to really get myself up there, and I’ll get it done.

There are so many things I’m doing on a daily basis that a few months ago would have thrown me into a frenzy of panic and fear, that now feel mundane and like it’s no big deal at all. I was reflecting on this earlier, and it feels really good to sort of sit back and say, “wow, I’ve accomplished a lot. I’m doing things I once feared I would never be able to do again, and now they’re okay.”

I remember sitting with my therapist months ago and telling her, “I just want to be able to go to a grocery store and buy food for myself.” And I felt such a longing for something so simple, to have something so normal feel easy and boring – and I’ve already reached that point. Grocery stores are no problem… so hopefully, I can do the same thing with a long distance drive.

Also, I’ve been making more progress on my book! I’ve written around 6,000 words the past few days, and that feels really good. And I’ve got a lot more where that came… and I’m excited to keep working on it!

Also, here is an artist called Pokey LaFarge that my grandma recommended to me, and I’m loving it!

And Rex keeps telling me to revisit this video when I’m feeling hesitant about doing things. It’s kind of effective.

❤ Chloe



10 thoughts on “Maybe really moving? What?!

  1. freespirithaven says:

    Sometimes we have to ‘just do it’ afraid. Each and every day I have to go to work and be faced with a WAVE of people coming to me for pretty much my entire shift. Just thinking about it gets me into a panic of anxiety…Like you mentioned, it can be excitement. I keep reminding myself..I got this…I got this. I also sing a song let it gooooooooooooooooooooo and shake shake it off off off…lol. that’s the song…♥ I will tell ya I was freaking WAY to excited to read about this place. A healthy move♥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe says:

      Haha, yes, let it gooooooo! Thank you 🙂 we do have to just do it sometimes, haha. And yes, you got this! I think I’ve got this too… And I’m hoping that everything with the place works out and that it’s healthy and awesome and non-panicky 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. heyitsmeniki says:

    I am digging this Pokey LaFarge! Totally original and I think it’s cool that it came from your grandma! This post was ridiculously relatable especially the longing to be able to go GROCERY SHOPPING! It’s such an intensely huge feat that so many people take for granted. A grocery store to most, freaking Mount Everest for some. You’re awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe says:

      Haha yes. Years ago my agoraphobia started around avoiding grocery stores/big department stores and kind of branched out from there… So being able to go is huge for me – and even huger because I’ve found myself feeling indifferent about going (which then makes me excited and grateful and feeling awesome). I never thought I’d even get to the point where I could shop normally again, so it’s kind of awesome!

      I’m glad you’re digging the Pokey LaFarge! I love it, and my grandma always has great recommendations!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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